TOP 5 REASONS SUPERMAN DOESN’T NEED A CAPE


Let’s face it: the only reason Superman has a cape is because it looks cool. But does he really need one?


Uber-blogger John D’oh! takes a closer look at The Man of Steel and his cape and why it’s a superfluous fashion statement at best.


by John D’oh!


#5 IT’S A CHOKING HAZARD


When you’re zipping around the world at Mach 80 and fighting all sort of bad-asses, the last thing you want is a piece of your outfit getting in the way. Superman should take a look at boxers and UFC fighters to determine what sort of attire is most suited to this type of vocation. What if the cape gets wrapped around him while he’s in battle or even worse: one of his foes uses it against him? I throw a blanket over my dog, he’s neutralized for 5 minutes. Plenty of time to escape.


 #4 HE HAS TO BRING IT TO THE DRY CLEANERS


Think about it: when you’re flying through the air over a polluted metropolis you’re going to get a little dirty. At the end of the week that cape has got to be filthy. Who’s got time to go the dry cleaner and get it cleaned?


#3 IT WOULD BE A TATTERED MESS


At the speeds Superman flies the entire cape would just vaporize and / or possibly asphyxiate the poor guy (see #5).


#2 IT’S NOT AERODYNAMIC


Can you imagine a 747 with two giant capes where the wings used to be? Good luck getting that off the ground. Granted it looks cool when he flies but is it doing anything to support him aerodynamically? I didn’t think so.


#1 HE’S SUPERMAN, DAMMIT


If he can peer through walls with X-Ray vision and leap tall buildings in a single bound, I think he can fly without a cape. Isn’t his ability to fly based on the differential in gravity between Krypton and Earth? i.e. he’s ‘lighter’ and pretty much pulls a Neil Armstrong whenever he wants to. It’s not the cape that makes him fly, duh!


IN SUMMATION…

What have we learned? Well, after rigorous analysis and seemingly interminable focus groups testing Superman has a cape because…IT LOOKS COOL.




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